Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
