Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize