A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
