I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
