Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
