Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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