Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
