if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
