I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
