Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
