no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
