from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
