Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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