Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
