I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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