Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
