i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
