...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
