who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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