Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
