Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we should paint friendship bongs
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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