so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
