D3 body, D1 cock
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize