Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
