If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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