dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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