apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
