his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
