i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
