Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
