i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
