you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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