I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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