He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
