Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
only if we run a train.
done.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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