I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
