i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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