R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
