no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
