I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Randomize
