she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
