So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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