chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Shame - the story of my life.
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