So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
