There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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