Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
