sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
