Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
