anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
