We named our party play list daddy issues
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
