and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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