Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
