I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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