my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
