i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
