i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He shit in the fireplace
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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