I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He passed out mid-signature
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
