We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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