It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
