i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
