Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
