Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
