I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
