I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Is it penis luge time yet?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
