just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
