She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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