even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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