you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is Oprah even human
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
