I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
