she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
