im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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