I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
