im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize