I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
