the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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