i just had sex bonerless
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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