If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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