Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
