I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
