dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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