sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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