No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
we made out on top of his cat.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
