I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize